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Are you out there,
you OK?
can you hear me?
Are you thinking?
About breathing?
Are you lovin,
the new morning?
Are you digging?
The raw season,
and freedom, comes to save,
Are you singing?
a praise to eden,
are you committing?
to do no wrong,
Are you wondering?
how to comment,
on the bad play,
we're sometimes in,
Are you feeling,
full of new beginnings,
are you starting?
to lose the shame,
are you trying,
like I'm trying,
to find the Kingdom,
in the rain,
are you nervous?
sometimes devious?
when they ask us,
to say our name,
are you needful,
like I'm needful,
to know someone,
who shares the pain,
are you playful?
doubtful?
righteous and lonely,
humble,
mindful,
of dreams and forgetting,

Do you think we'll find?
the founding,
and wallow in this chance,
to walk with Christ in paradise,
or get stuck in the sand,
because we can't stand,
not knowing,
where we go from here.

Are you hearing?
the name I'm whispering?
in the mornings, before they wake,
in the shadows,
between the heartache,
and the true life and mistakes,

Are you reading,?
me in small verse?
there's nothing more honest,
than were I am...
©2005-2009 =Nimbus9
:iconnimbus9:

Author's Comments

Didn't have the time to do justice to the image, maybe I'll come back to it at a later date, but thanks again to Lady Anne for her wonderful stock images. [link]

Critiques


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:iconthepoisonedpen:
Really profound and I love the use of short lines and question marks. Though I'd like one question to be answered when I see all of your pieces; why the comma on the very last line? Is it used in your poetry to provide a sense of continuation beyond the pages of the poem?
:iconnimbus9:
thanks as always for the comment. I've always used the comma for rhythm, Like with this one the basic rhythm is
“da da da dunt,
dunt da daah.”

and then I riff from there.
But, thanks I should pay more attention to punctuation, I do like not truly ending a poem, because truthfully my poems usually don't truly end, I just run on out time or lose the beat

--
Long days and pleasant nights

~jef

-------------------------------------------------------------------------
Pretend I said something clever and profound
:iconthepoisonedpen:
Cool. Maybe you could be a person to comment on my latest journal entry. I'd like some advice or something on it, or just some thoughts of your own.
:iconnimbus9:
Thanks, I'm honoured

--
Long days and pleasant nights

~jef

-------------------------------------------------------------------------
Pretend I said something clever and profound
:iconhiddenlies:
wow i really like this one, makes me question somethings myself.
brilliant work like always :p
:iconnimbus9:
Thanks! This one was very spontanous, it actually started out as an email. :w00t:

--
Long days and pleasant nights

~jef

-------------------------------------------------------------------------
Pretend I said something clever and profound
:iconhiddenlies:
wow. thats really cool! gotta love spontaneous work
:iconchaoticbeauty:
Now this one did not only make me feel but it also made me think, I can't really criticize it because as far as I'm concerned it was perfect. Expect I think you overuse commas a little bit, but it might just be your style.

--
"All the knowledge I possess everyone else can acquire, but my heart is all my own."

~CDKstock

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February 2, 2005
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